Monday, April 17, 2006

Hey. I'm listening to Frederic Patenaude's Audio E-zine. It's pretty good. Even though I'm not a 100 percent raw-foodist (maybe more like 40 percent), it's still good to listen to, for the foods that I do eat raw. We start a new book at the bookstudy today; What Does the Bible Really Teach? I am so happy that I got the chance to read it all the way through before we studied it, so I could get the full impact of the book. I think it's one of the best I've read. Another book I bought was The Worst Hard Time. I haven't started reading it yet, but it's for some research for my own story I'm working on, Fastest Man Alive. I'll include excerpts as they are written. Ben is out with his dad today, doing some work stuff and applying for a business loan. I really hope we don't blow the money on something non-business. I will try not to make Ben feel as if he needs to use it on things I want. It shouldn't happen, though, because my dance instruction is coming along well. I teach 7 classes a week ,now (would have been 9, but two have been put on hold), and possibly teaching a bunch of high school students tomorrow during their testing week. I hope I could get it. It could be an extra 300 dollars at least in our pockets. (Sorry for the lack of paragraphs, you know, my computer...) I've been eating very little lately. My allergies flared up for the first time in 10 years the other weekend, so I went on a three-day semi-fast (maple syrup-water and some raw fruits and veggies) until the symptoms went away. Then I did a three-day cleanse and now I'm fine. But my stomach got really small, and I lost a good amount of weight (5 pounds in a week? I think that's pretty good.) and I feel fine. I can't eat as much as before, but I still have the same amount of energy, if not more. These next two weeks I'm going very strict with the food I eat. Only cooked grains, fibrous vegetables, legumes, and fish. Everything else raw. I need to go to the health dpartment today and get myself some more Orhto Patches. I know there's a big risk with blood clots, but I don't smoke, and even though I get a little rash with these (I think it's the adhesive), I get really sick with the pills, and the depo shot is just too horrible as far as the side-effects for me to go to it just yet. I'm going to wait until they get the ring or I go to a real gynecologist to try something new. I also need to call the taxlady because my hubby didn't think tho tell her to file an extension for me as well (!). Yeah. I think I'll always be upset about that. About two weeks ago, Ben and I went to Alabama, because our friend who originally hooked us up was going to a party there. She lives in New York, but had heard about this party months ago and wanted to put herself on the "market" so, she was going. Well, in the meantime, she met a guy and they were falling in love. But another girl also liked him, and was planning on going down to this same party that he was going to for our friend. This same girl was also after my own hubby and still thinks that if anything happens to me, she's the next runner-up (she says he married me because we look the same. My friend and hubby are like "she's crazy." I'm not too worried, myself.) , even though he never was interested in her. So, I figure, it would be nice to go down to distract her from getting in between (or trying to) my friend and her guy with us. She never showed, but while we were all there, he asked her out officially, so that was nice. After we left, he let her know that this time, next year, he wants to get married. I believe in love between two intuitive people such as themselves, so it is really exciting, because even my husband, the skeptic, believes that they are made for each other. I am so happy! That makes three weddings coming up: one here, and two up north! I also quit the job I had because my job was expanding into non-work related things (in my opinion) which I didn't feel I was getting paid enough to do. Wouldn't have minded as long as I was getting paid, though. As it is, I make more teaching than I was there, so it is no big financial setback. I also need to call this woman who I asked to work for a few months ago who just called and talked to my hubby about employing me and tell her I can't do it now. Too Busy! That, and it's next to near impossible to work for someone else when you are your own boss as well. Still looking for a dress for those weddings... Ciao.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Hey, hey. I'm at work...and there's this white stuff on my finger...? Anyways, I think in a while I should take my lunch break and then....Wait a minute, let me tell you about my job. My job is..to do whatever I'm told. So...processing money orders, and...packing things to be shipped...and...taking money for stuff...and...selling stamps. Real fun, right? Well, for me, it is. I'm so weird like that, I love filling out forms and taxes and stuff. Anyways, like I was saying, I think pretty soon I'm gonna get told to scan some stuff in, so I'll just go and do it now and be a good employee...Back. And I really do love helping people, especially since no one knows how the mail works...(neither do I, but I just say what I'm told). It's fun fun fun. And I fell great because I'm almost at the end of a bunch of cleansing I've done this week, and I've become such a morning person from all these green smoothies I drink now.

Yesterday Ben came home really late, so late, in fact, that I actually fell asleep in bed waiting for him (first time ever), and he was being so sweet trying to wake me up, it took me forever until I finally went and brushed my teeth (my breath was not so good. I'd been sleeping for some time). Then we had all sorts of "hello"'s and then went back to sleep. He was a doll and woke up just to print out the lesson for tonight's Theocratic Ministry School, because I hadn't studied yet and am going straight from work to the meeting tonight. I worked yesterday too: here at the mailing center, and then taught one lesson, which I couldn't wait to be over although I like the woman I teach. I just wanted to be home.

Tomorrow I only come here for half a day, and then maybe Ben and I will meet some of his (younger) family at this place called Reno's for happy hour. It's right near where I work, but I don't drink or really eat normal food anymore, either. But maybe I'll cheat. I know it won't be too bad because I just am not having the cravings for bad food like I used to...

I need to find a dress for my friend's wedding in July. I can't believe she's getting married. (the phone just rang and I answered it and got makeup all over it. suck.) No one can. It's not like a shock, or a super shock at least, but, just, well, I guess we all thought other people would get married befopre her, that she'd be further down the line. Which she was afraid of, which makes me all the happier that she is getting married now, after all. But I need a dress, and something tells me I'm not going to get one. I'm going to be stuck wearing one of my perfectly fine, but boring and so old, formal dresses from earlier years, and I'm going to hate that. I have to go up to CT for this thing, and if I'm going, I want to feel F-I-N-E. Anyways, though, I'm on the lookout for something navy blue and shimmery. that keeps popping up in my head, for some reason.

I have a poem I wrote, two actually. the first two real poems that are unforced in about a year. So glad my heads finally clear and I can get back into thinking artistically again. I think it's cause I'm not sick anymore--love or otherwise. So, that's exciting.

Well, that's about it, until I get home and type in those two poems I wrote. See ya.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Facts of Life, Or, Read The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Did you know the news weatherman from the tri-state area, Sam Champion, went to school at Eastern Kentucky University? No? Well, he did. A kind-of very big deal to me, seeing as to how, oh, I don't know, I had a crush on him for ten years, ever since I saw his blonde hair and sunshiny face telling us we'd have more snow, or more rain, or more...whatever. I think it's great that I'm in Kentucky, but where, oh, Sam, are you? Back in the northeast, where I found and than left you. Sigh. (Okay, up front apology for the lack of paragraphs in this post, too, because I think it's blogger's program, not my computer. If it does it again, I will have to inquire as to the origin of this lack of enter-pushing-acknowledgment. Perhaps I will use long strings of ellipses to offset the look.) ............... I am to be starting, soon, a 7 day detox on green smoothies being sponsored by Green for Life by Victoria Boutenko through fredericpatenaude.com. I don't know when, exactly, because although I signed up for it, I haven't received any news yet of the date. I got in at the last minute, and decided to do it on impulse and the fact that since the 21-day challenge, I haven't been very good with sticking to being as raw as I was. I was never planning to go 100%, but buying mashed potatoes (in a box!) and macaroni and cheese (so-bad-for-you-cheese-sauce! yes!) wasn't part of the plan either. Looks like I need a bit more handholding before I can go it alone. Hubby is being more supportive, though, which makes it easier. I also need to exercise, because I want to get my tummy in shape for summer. Just for plain life. Ben hates fat, especially stomach fat, and I can't blame him that it does look a little ridiculous on someone who isn't other large, so I must do what I must do................................................. Joy and probably Amy and most definitely Ben are all sleeping. And I would love to join them, except I can't. I've been up since 7:45, and I went to bed around 2 am, so, I dunno. I tried to eat lighter after sundown, maybe that has something to do with it? If so, hurray for me. Joy has been reticent against any cats trying to be friends, hissing and growling at any and all who brave the outside of our windows, mewing towards peace and companionship. I did not raise such a rude, bad cat, but at least I find some pride in knowing she is trying to protect her family from all forms of evil, even paper lint shreds. Amy got fixed a couple of days ago, and she is not so playful, but still back to jumping around, up and down, and letting herself be picked up. She is so very talkative, too. Almost to tell me all that I missed when "dad" took her to that place "mom" eventually saved her from. She had a bad time with the pain the first day (please, someone, come out with a kitty painkiller, please!), and was screaming and growling (something I have never heard her do, and I'm glad I don't often), and was about as consolable as a colicky infant. The ride home from Lexington was a long one.............................Ben came in late last night, and I am surprised he hasn't complained of being sick, yet. He and I both got the flu recently, not the bad type B, but the equally troublesome type A. His has lingered on and on, if in weaker and weaker force, for weeks, now, but I got mine through with as fast as I could without obtaining the 70 dollar Tamiflu prescription. Lots of chicken soup and tea. Lots of peppers, garlic, ginger, and lemons. Lots of me buying flu remedies on sale at the health food store. Done in 5 days. Yeah, baby. I COULD NOT tell my dance students to find another teacher because it was obvious I was going to be sick for the rest of my life. Although I did just dream that I was diagnose with throat cancer. From a pharmacy. By a woman I used to work with at The Limited. Funny. And then I became the drummer for Green Day, but because I don't play the drums, or read music, they had to teach me the songs, and they only kept me on because I was hot, and one of the guys kept licking my face in the hitting-on way. I don't know why, but lately, a lot of my dreams have me with someone not Ben; someone famous, instead. I love Ben. I don't want to be with some famous guy who just likes me because we look good in the tabloids together. Am I just bored with out winter life? Do we need a vacation? Honey, I think it's time we went on that honeymoon.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

..rushed...

Well, the 21-day challenge is over and I feel great! For one, I am really surprised at the fact that I haven't been eating much meat, id est, only about 4 servings since the start of it all, and I haven't had any lull in energy or health. In fact, because of all the fresh and raw fruits and vegetables, in addition to cooked beans, rice, grains, tomatoes, and aromatics such as garlic and onions (all of which, like cauliflower, must be cooked to get the full benefit of nutrients and avoidance of any detrimental effects), I look better than ever, and feel like it, too! People have been telling me that my eyes are brighter; I look like I've lost weight; my face has more color and life. I am also happier and have more mood regulation than ever before in my entire life! It is amazing how much food has to do with how you live your life, and how your life lives you. I turned one of my friends onto the raw food movement and we are now success buddies; something I wish had ages ago! Last night, Ben and I "celebrated" with anything I wanted to eat, healthy or unhealthy. We had take-out pizza and wine with breadsticks--a big deal. It tasted good, and we had fun, but I definitely did not feel great like I normally do after eating, as well as he. Today I got some things done that were needing to be done (thank-you cards from the wedding and whatnot) and now am trying to think of how to cook this snapper we bought yesterday. And terribly sorry for the lack of paragraphs today. My computer is on the fritz, as always, and now my enter button is doing something funny to the internet screen every time I push it...

Monday, January 30, 2006

Hello, again

Well, mom's back in CT and I'm getting stronger and stronger every day. I am involved in this great 21-day challenge being put on by this really inspiring figure, Frederic Patenaude. I am eating better, excercising, period, and cleaning the house more regularly (with Ben helping!).

Friday, January 13, 2006

Changes, changes

It's been quite a while since I've come and written in here. I've had lots of reading to fill my time, as I've been growing more and more interests. I found a way to access other webpages via Microsoft Internet Explorer, but something (some program or something) is bogging down my computer and making it unusually slow, as well as the fact that it has this strange tendency to fill in text boxes and such with random words (seemingly) and opening up unsolicited programs on the processor. I've got to get my dad to take a look at it when he comes to get my mom.

For a while I was having a great run of days where I was almost back to normal. My mom and Ben had me folding laundry and some light clean-up after myself, and getting my own snacks and medicine when I had the energy, but my mom was still doing most of the clean-up with Ben and coking for us (he's going to miss that).

Yesterday, I was taking Ginseng for the secomnd day in a row, and after taking two capsules with lunch, I had a burst of energy, so strong, I couldn't read or concentrate. I just wanted to MOVE.

So, I decided to put on my Pilates dvd and did the full hour. I was a little sweaty after, but I expected that as it has been a long time since even before the sickness that I've excercised seriously. My heart I knew wasn't as strong as before, but since it wasn't aerobic activity, (which I hate) I didn't worry. Well, afterwards I felt great! My posture had improved after all the stretching and I was using my stomach a lot more than before. I even devised an excercise regiment for myself because this whole sickness has made me quite concerned about my physical health, and I have no way to cut around excercise. I've got to do it. I know I'm only 21, but I am getting older, nonetheless, and need to get into some sort of habit now, while I can still make a difference with it.

Anyways, we all decided to go to the meeting instead of getting tied in, and after studying and doing a much needed shower spa, we went. I had to rush it a little bit, because I had so much to do, but it was worth it.

When we got to the meeting, I was good for about 20 minutes, then realized that if I was going to stay alert and awake, I would need to rouse my muscles a bit. I thought about standing in back per my mother's suggestion. Instead, I waited it out a bit longer, then 10 minutes later, knew I needed to just sit in back where I could put my feet up, and not have to sit up so straight.

While I was back there, I got upset that I was getting so weak, so fast, when all the other days previous I had been fine. I started to cry and went to the bathroom, and few sisters inquired as to how I was. My mother sat in back with me, then, and then 10 minutes after that, I suddenly reached for my mother's hand, now completely exhausted and sure I'd overstayed my ability to not totally embarrass myself and said "We need to go home. Now." My speech was starting to slur, and it was all I could do to keep my head from falling completely to one side. My eyes were rolling around in my head, but it was hard for anyone to sit in the dark.

A brother helped my mom guide me to the door, as another got Ben's mom to summon him, to take us home. There soon accumalted a rather medium (to large for my liking) crowd in back, all worried faces, none having ever seen me like this, save my mother, Ben, and his mother. I felt like such a fool and so helpless and so angry. I know everyone meant well, but I did not want anyone's pity.

When we reached the threshold of the door to go outside, Ben swooped down and picked me up, and carried me, thankfuly, the rest of the way, and I melted in his hold, my left hand desperately trying to hold on to the water bottle I had brought with me. They settled me in the back of the vehicle and a handful of wellwishers saw us off.

My chest was hurting, not severely, but persistently, so I'm convinced that I really do have a weaker heart condition now, if only temporarily. SO FRUSTRATING TO NOT BE ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING I COULD.

But my mother and Ben nursed me back once home, and today I woke up with only a pounding headache (very painful, but much better than last night), but able to walk around, albeit at first very carefully.

After such a scare as last night, I am officially under citizen's house arrest. The one good thing about it all, is that I won't be asked to do too much by anyone, but at the same time, not being allowed to do the things I want (excercise just a little bit...dance) stinks.

I called the doctor's for my liver and urinalysis test results, but because they hadn't been sign off, I couldn't get them. I still won't know when I can work again, and I am tempted to wait until mid-February before I start lugging 15 pound trays around. It would be horrible to start dropping people's food. Better to not work temporarily then to get fired, I guess. I think I can start teaching and doing other lighter activities that are not so physical beginning of February, so I will be excited to be making SOME money. We need it.

In other news, Saturday, February 18, 11 am-3 pm at Sam's Club and Walmart there will be free heart and cholesterol tests. Incidentally, I also turn 22. So do it for me, and get tested. It'll only be for your own good.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Help!

Have Blogger and AOL teamed up to hijack my computer and hold my internet hosting priviledges captive? I think they have. I don't seem to be able to access any other pages except for aol channels and blogger's main page and the pages used to update and manage my own journal. I can't even get properly redirected to other blogs. CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER.

Oh well, let's make the most of it and hope to God it clears up, because i was just getting happy about not having to use the library every day to look stuff up, and the library's physical book collection is very, very small, making the internet look like a much better alternative as far as any reliable research on the smallest subject is concerned. :P

Saturday went well. I went with my parents to Danville, where we set up at the Center and even though nobody signed up directly, a lot of my material got taken and a lot of hopefuls were born. I also signed up for (possible) (highly unlikely) violin lessons and (more likely) drawing lessons; both on Saturdays. I also did not pass out or act as if my brain was hemorraging intelligence, but te next day I paid for my forced rush of adrenaline.

Crankiness, muscle soreness, lack of ability to sleep, extreme desire to sleep; it was not pretty. I was afraid my muscles would get weak after Ben having to carry me around a lot (but at times there wasn't much I could do about that anyways), and I am going to ave to do a lot of getting my immune system plus my strength back. I am definitely telling my doctor to write my note for work saying no night shifts for a month.

Today wasn't quite so spectuclar in any respect, although I went to the afternoon bookstudy and most of the time sat in back with my legs stretched out on an opposite chair for even the strength needed to balance myself in an upright chair with my legs down would have drained me and ruined our plans for the library and shopping. We did it all and I am glad to be at home where I can be lazy the rest of the night.

But I am so hungry.

I got a few phone calls today from people seeing how I was, and possibly expecting some visitors but I think they might forget and not come after all. We have movies to watch anyways and I have books to read. I also got a super Pilates tape from ALDI that is from the NEW Method ( I don't know what was wrong with the old one) that looks like the marines use it, so I have plenty to work myself up to. I am sick and tired of being sick, tired, and grossly unfit for how how I look. I'm 21. I look a lot better than how I actually am. I want to be as good as I seem.

Amy is forcing me to hold her like a real infant. Spoiled little brat. She knows I'm too tired to fight her. :P

Well, tomorrow mom and I go to the doctor's for more blood work and getting the note and she wants sweet potatoes from Walmart and we'll probably wach more movies and read and do more of the same. It's nice having her here. Wish my parents really did live closer by.